New Year, Same Me.
10 years ago this year, I left my marriage of 16 years.
In the time since then I have lived a thousand lives and been a thousand different women. All of them wonderful, and flawed, yet resilient and powerful. Some of them very traumatised, some of them extremely peaceful and healed. Sometimes they change from day to day.
I was lucky in that my ex-husband put a caveat on me leaving that I seek counselling (as he had decided to - which meant I also had to) and so I was able to use this to start working with an incredible coach who helped me see magic again through embodied Alchemy. I have continued to work with her on and off since. She helped me shift my whole perspective as a constant reminder that we are ever growing and guided me to seeing where I was demolishing myself to stay in a mould that allowed me to fail, which kept my perfectionism alive.
One of the gifts of the practice I learned (mastered) through working with this woman is a completion circle, which honours not just where you want to go, but also where you have been and what you DON’T want to take with you into the new.
I have been in completion circle for 17 days. I also need to interrupt here and say, side note, I started working with myself in a new (and intense way) in October this year, through lovingkindness and parts work, which has brought the most profound changes and shifts since I found Alchemy. One of these changes is the ability to truly let myself BE. In everything, in pain, in destruction, in desire, in agony, in ecstasy, in feral abandon, in rapture. All of it. Welcome. I am here, I am not going anywhere.
So the completion circle. I have never done one that spans 10 years. So I decided to do it differently and let it be there for days if it needs to and let my sub-conscious bring things to me through dreams, daydreams, parts, whatever it needs to do have me acknowledge where I have been and where I am going and want to create. But the more that is coming up, the more I am realising just how many times I have abandoned myself over the last 10 years under the guise of 'creating’. How many times I was clearly done with something, or knew I was on a wrong path, but kept going anyway. And I have also seen the way I am starting to let myself breathe the truth of being who I am and doing what I do, and that just being okay, and enough.
And today I have chosen to wrap up the completion circle. Let it be done. Burn the letters to the people that I needed to write. There is always more, and I am sitting here reading the pages of things I am creating with so much love in my heart and desire in my bones.
So welcome back to my little sub stack. Come on a journey with me as I relearn myself and create what I would love.
Leanne x